Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood
This time of the year one could call the Triple Crown of gift-giving, after the horseracing equivalent: The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness and The Belmont Stakes (I won’t digress about this year’s Big Brown mystery). The human version of the Triple Crown involves Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and the obligatory wedding this time of year that most of us will either attend, decline to attend or send a check or gift to.
All these days honor life’s most precious relationships. They’re relationships bound by love and commitment… and two of them are bound by the Fifth Commandment, “Honor thy Father and thy Mother.”
Honoring Mom is a no-brainer. A mother is the child’s lifeline, its source of nutrition and comfort for nine months in the womb, and then protection and comfort and food after birth. The mother-child bond creates this innate response in us to pay homage to her.
But honoring Dad is a little different. The father is the first “other” in a child’s life. The first person the baby knows other than the mother. The first ’stranger’ a child will learn to trust. But fathering today has lost much of the luster and prestige of the “Father Knows Best” years. However, it doesn’t mean fathers are any less important. In fact, according to the experts, a father’s involvement in a child’s upbringing is critical.
“Men have their own repertoire of parenting skills that’s different from the Mother,” says David Blankenhorn, author of Fatherless America and The Future of Marriage. To paraphrase Blankenhorn, he says while mothers generally nurture and protect, and fathers are more risk-takers and tend to be less afraid of danger. A child needs both parenting styles as part of a balanced upbringing. Blankenhorn, who also heads “the Institute for American Values”, says children who have fathers living in the household grow up to be more comfortable with strangers, and are more willing to engage in the larger world. Girls with fathers involved in their lives have a better self image and often make better relationship choices. While boys with fathers, good fathers that is, will be more respectful of women.
And statistcally speaking, when fathers aren’t in the household, the results can be disastrous for the child. According to the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes; 63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school or repeat a grade, and were had the highest odds of winding up incarcerated. Also one of the leading indicators that a child will live in poverty, is whether or not he has a father in the household. In America that would be about 38 to 43 percent of children.
Now that I’ve painted a grim picture of the state of fatherhood, let me give some examples of men whose very lives offer inspiration.
Mark Forrest is an Irish Tenor who lives in Virginia. Years ago he gave up dreams of stardom and his name in lights on broadway, after his son was born with a severe defect and lived only five days. He began a spiritual journey that included the creation of the Faith & Family Foundation, an organization that raises money for special needs children. Mark sings full-time and produces his own albums. He and his wife now have seven boys ages 1 to 14, two of whom are blind and deaf. He says “burying a child caused me to look at what’s important” … “Life’s become so busy. What’s it all for?” Mark sings only on weekends and is always home for his sons Monday through Thursday. He no longer has dreams of becoming a household name, but only of “being the best father I can be.”
Michael Scalfani, is a retired car salesmam from Staten Island, New York. He’s been married 50 years to his wife Angela. They have three sons and six grandchildren. They volunteer as marriage preparation counselors at their church. Mr. Scalfani says the father’s No. 1 priority is to keep the family together, to communicate with his children the values they’ll need in life and to live out those values. He says “the role is really being there” just “being there for them.”
And finally Chris Bell of Sussex County in New Jersey. He’s a married father of seven children, one biological, six adopted. Five of the children have special needs. Chris opened and runs Covenant House, a series of homes where young pregnant women who’ve been abandoned by their boyfriends, can come and live during their pregnancies. Chris says the bottom line is, “kids need to be loved.”
These men are just a few of the hundreds of thousand of unsung heroes of fatherhood. Men who love their families and believe its a privelige to sacrifice for them. These men who would have it no other way. So this Father’s Day, salute dad for a job well done!
Lauren Green serves as a religion correspondent for FOX News Channel. Prior to this, Green served as a news anchor for FOX & Friends where she provided daily news updates. Outside of her career at FNC, Green is well known as a concert pianist, with a degree in piano performance from The University of Minnesota. 
Thank you so much for this article. It is so refreshing to hear something positive about Fathers!
I love it that you have done an article on the steady, committed, faithful “never gonna leave you” dads. There are many of them – and they rarely make it into the news. It’s amazingly unspectacular for a man to never leave his family, and so it never gets press time. The spectacular failures are what the public craves. Kudos to you for affirming the unsung heroes.
My father was a definite unsung hero. He was a veteran of the Korean war and then worked long hours with the phone company while we were growing up to provide for his family. He past away a little over 7 years ago, and I think about him daily and the examples and influence he continues to have on my life. I know we’ll be together again one day and until that day, I hope I can be half the dad to my son as he was to me. Dad, I love and miss you – You ARE my hero!
Lauren,
Thank you for such an excellent job of spotlighting “just ordinary guys.” In a media atmosphere where men are usually portrayed as mindless, clueless and gutless it is really refreshing to see an intelligent young woman who isn’t afraid to salute fathers. I know there are “hit and run” deadbeat dads. No one despises those shirkers more than real men. However, they are by far in the minority.
Most guys I know find their true happiness in providing for the people they love even when it means postponing their own gratification, sometimes for eternity. I’m guessing that you had one of those regular guys for your dad because someone has done an excellent of job of raising a real woman.
(I’m sure your mother did just as good a job.) I’m sure I’m in agreement with many, many men this father’s day if I doff my hat to the ladies who make being a good father an easy job.
Lauren,
The paragraph that begins ’statistically speaking’ scares me to death. I am a single mom who is raising a son entirely on my own. He has and has never had a relationship with his father and I’ve spent the last 16 years trying to be both mom and dad so he doesn’t end up as you described. So far, so good. I’ve tried to include good men in his life, so he has good examples to follow, when it comes to morals and relationships. I’ve put my own love life, so to speak, on hold so I could concentrate on his needs and not my own. I’m very proud of him and his accomplishments and glad to make the sacrifices I did to see him turn out well. Our daughter, who was Daddy’s little girl, until our divorce, did not fare so well. 3 kids, 3 different dads, a drug problem . . . at 29 she still struggles with her father’s abandonment and abuse. I guess the point I’m trying to make is I chose single motherhood over an alcoholic and abusive father for my kids . . .my only regret is I didn’t do it soon enough to save my daughter.
Sheila in Minnesota
Folks, let us not forget the Dads whom are handicapped and are by every since of the word stay at home. I am now [medically retired from the MARINE CORPS] and a stay at home dad, and am there for my kids [one is 10 & has Down syndrome & the other is a beautiful 14 yro girl] and I am so proud of them. I try to be there when they need me, even if they don’t think so. We are probly one of the last nuclar famlies that I have seen. And I hope & pray that when I am long gone from this world, that the kids will remember what I have tried to teach them….
Nice article, Lauren; it’s written from the heart and we know you mean what you say. There are millions of fathers who don’t drink and have never abused our children or cheated on our wives. This may come as a shock to some, but such is the nature of our agenda-driven mainstream media, where men play the obligatory role of selfish and ignorant brutes.
Shiela G, don’t give up. You are doing the best you can, and it sounds like you are succeeding! Consider, if you haven’t done so, getting your son into scouting and sports. I am involved in both and regularly see the positive difference they make in boys growing up without fathers in the home.
The article was a step in the right direction, and I salute Lauren Green for it. From those of us who really know it is not “all about us,” we see far too little positive press given to the real men who actually matter, rather than the boys – selfish losers who will never grow up and in most of society are the minority.
Lauren,
Thank you for your article. You have said what many know but seldom read in the press. My father was my hero, and is to this day (although he passed more than 21 years ago). He was never wealthy, but worked hard to support his family. He and my mother were married for 52 years. He was the only son of a chauffer and a domestic in a wealthy household, but never looked down on his humble upbringing. He joined the Army in 1934 (the year he and my second-grade school teacher mom were married) and held every rank from Private to Major. His example (and also my mother’s) inspired me to get an education (while in the military for 11 years), participate in the early development of the Space Program, and stay married to the love of my life for 37 years (this month). I am so much richer for being brought up in a caring and loving family. I only wish that everyone could experience the love and support that I and my brother received growing up.
John Clement
Baltimore, MD
Subject:
RE: LEADERSHIP IS ACTION NOT POSITION
Body:
it is so weird that you wrote this what i am getting at is that i have written to the hawaiian disability rights, national coalition for the homeless, will hoover of the honolulu advertiser about violations of human rights at a homeless shelter being conducted by the staff there towards the homeless with disabilities they recenly threw out ten men and they are living under a bridge out there. they staff have refused to let them have access to phones, computers, screwed them over with jobs, this men are trying to make it and the staff are not helping why are they working there? i thought this is america we are suppost to help each other when we fall! if anyone reads this write to these people just google and get the websites make a difference in someones life, thankyou jenny mcdowell young
JUST REMEMBER SOME OF THESE MEN ARE FATHERS TOO!!!!
Thanks for your article. Is it your own personal idea or Fox’s not to ever mention a person’s religion? You praise someone for working with his church, but don’t dare say the name of the church. Why?
Thanks Lauren, for saying something positive about fathers on Father’s Day. But you left out those of us who are divorced, and not even “allowed” to “visit” our children today, because we were found to be guilty of “no fault”. By encouraging, rewarding, supporting, and enforcing fatherlessness on a massive scale, our government is the worst child abuser in history.
Just wanted to point out that PRIVILEGE is misspelled (“privelige”).
I realize not everything is “caught” in the proofreading phase so I just thought I’d point it out so correction could be made!:)
Peace be w/ you,
Scott Mc
butterscotchusa@yahoo.com
Even though my Dad has Passed on…i still celebrate my Dad on Fathers Day. He truely was a Hero as He was at Pearl Harbor when it Was Bombed. He always told how He saw the First Bomb Fall and The Last Bomb Fall. Igrew up on his wonderful War stories and I now tell them to my Grandchildren.
Today I will go out to His Gravesite and Stand Quietly and Say to Him HAPPY FATHERS DAY DAD. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU. And then I will go home and Let Him Live through me..by my actions.The Golden Rule He Taught Me is to Love All People But Most of all LOVE YOUR FAMILY and YOUR COUNTRY. And Do Something good for someone in need. HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL FATHERS WHO SO DESERVE IT.
I havvealso not seen my son In ffive years ,because my left and ist leting see my son .For about 5 years now . If you could put me intouch with anyone that could help me with yhis problem I would greatly apprecaite it . yyyyyyyyYou can reach at (801) 2663852 day or night or email me @jandi2000@netzero.com.I love my son very much please put mein touch with some one!!!!
What a great article when so much of the news is bad news! I also had a wonderful father; fun, moral, loving, and married to my mom for 32 years before his death. I hope this article is read by many men and I want to encourage them to be there for their wife and children. Yes, it’s hard to make enough money. Yes, it’s hard to have noise and mess in the home. Yes, it’s a sacrifice to give up the ’single life’. But the rewards are love like you’ve never imagined, trials that will change your very character, and so much more. With God, all things are possible.
Katie in Arizona